31 Oct 2024 Anxious III

 31 Oct 2024

Gosh, wanted to move on with life and kick start a new journey again. Time to conquer the next mountain. I am always on the move. I don't even know if it is I enjoy it or I am always unable to sit still. Most likely yes. I just cannot stop moving hahahas. Oh well, let the energy flow then, allow the most natural energy and let it be mastered.

I rebranded my LinkedIn. But gosh, again, so uncomfortable to share with the public. But I have to do it right? This is the only way to show 'success'. Else how to rise right? How to get lipservice words that 'your profile is damn solid'. At the end, I feel it is all a farce. But the farce have to do right? Perhaps no one enjoy farce, but they all feel that they have to do. The fear is everyone. I always think I am different, special. Perhaps I am not right. Means I fear farce and show and tell, means everyone is likely also similar right. I need to feel more like I am similar to them correct? correct? At the end, if I truly think/believe I am different, they just erase me anyways. Hahahahs. Perhaps that's why it happened right? All of us are just humans. Is this so called empathy? To recognize you are not that different from others, thereby humble yourself down?

I also wanted to attempt to highlight my ASD + ADHD. I feel that I should highlight. Because that is who I am. But I fear so much man. Gosh, but I still do it. Because I once told myself I am fearless. And I need to stand up to being fearless. But is it really me? Gosh, so scary. Haix, I also don't know. At the end I know no one cares. And I am not upset. But I cannot stand myself not being myself. I am myself right? What's stopping me from trying to overcome fear not that I do not fear? So sad. Maybe not anxious only liao. 

~Anxioussssol